Went to the friendship festival today. Started out bad. I had a bad attitude. But I don't get along with those people so much anymore...if I ever did. I mean I certainly don't hate them but...it's hard to explain. Things got better eventually. I could have flirted with a guy but I did the opposite of flirt...whatever that is. I acted weird and whatever. I saw Chrissy. I'm glad. It makes me think about people I used to know. We used to be really close I guess but now we're like estranged or something. I think about all the friends I've had...no matter how far on the surface our relationships were. It makes me sad. I saw Morgan at Office Depot the day school started. She seemed happy to see me but she's not my friend anymore, you know? She'll always be "my friend" but it's too long...too different. And Nicole and I have started talking about random pointless things which makes me glad because I didn't totally lose her as a friend. And Eleni. We wave and say hi and it's all good and nice, you know? And all these people from when I was little. I wouldn't even recognise them anymore. Jesse was my friend in preschool. I think he's the first friend I had. I don't even know his last name. I have like one picture of him and me in our Halloween costumes. And I'd never know him if I saw him today. It's sad. And I think of the friends I have now and I wonder if it will turn out the same way. And my aquaintances. They fade too quickly.
After the Friendship Festival we dropped off my friend Joanna. Actually this is only like the second time I've met her but we talked today and she's cool so she's my friend. She lives on this hill and you can see the freeway below and the hills beyond that. It's so pretty and calming. It makes me want to cry. Because I want to stay there and just look out at everything forever. Families are so beautiful. Children. I saw this family driving home tonight and the son looked out the window and he looked like he belonged right there in that car with his family. It made me happy and that is the way I want to feel sometimes. With my family. And with my kids. Sometimes I feel that way now.
I can't log on to Open Diary. I don't know why. They seem to have lots of problems though. And I like writing in here. But I don't get notes. It is nice not getting them though...more vague and I wonder if anyone reads this. Maybe they do. I hope so. Maybe then they'll understand me.

  posted by Colleen @ 8:19 PM

 
Why do people like me
What have I done to deserve their friendship
Sometimes I wish they'd just leave me alone
So I wouldn't have to worry about my debts

  posted by Colleen @ 11:48 AM

 
Today I went to the welcome back dance with Kimee. Fun fun. It was okay actually, especailly the end, but the middle kind of sucked. And the music always sucks but whatever. And I saw that celebrity thingy on tonight (as it was on every channel). Apparently someone sang Imagine. Not John Lennon though, obviously. My mom can't remember who, but she knows it wasn't Billy Joel.
That is really cool that they all banded together like that. If I were famous I would be a part of it. But then I am famous...right???

  posted by Colleen @ 12:05 AM

 
Heh. I've conformed to the internet society. My writing has changed. Things on the internet have a different mood than they do in real life. More honesty but more covers. Always covering things up. This is not something I would sit in my living room and read. This is not something I would scribble in a notebook. I used the word "heh" (if you want to call it a word) to start this entry off. Writing in an "online journal" sort of thing is like talking to someone you have never met before and will never meet again, yet you feel totally comfortable with them.
People can only judge you by what you say and therefore I am careful about what I say, not wanting people to think I am a certain way just because of a comment I make, when I am really nothing like that at all. But then at the same time I feel that I can open up more on these internet diaries because the people who read them probably will never know me and I will never have to see them face to face and know they know my secrets.
I try not to be this confusing in real life. I am tired of having to explain myself. And I am tired. I'm going to bed.

  posted by Colleen @ 9:37 PM

 
I miss the comfort in being sad.

  posted by Colleen @ 1:54 PM

 
Why does everyone hate me for telling the truth
And everyone loves me for being who I am not
What have I done in honesty to make them see me
Why do they like me when the world scorns people like me
Why do they like me when they don't know who I am
A smiling face, a cheerful phrase
We love you for being that way
Don't love me for who I am not
Hate me for who I am
It's so temporary

And when I do show them
They don't falter
So this is who you are
And that's fine
But it's not and it shouldn't be
I love you for loving in plastic words
I'm sorry for making you love me for me

  posted by Colleen @ 8:58 PM

 
Being that Open Diary is closed I guess I will write in here. Which was, after all, the reason I signed up to this blogger thingie. To write in it. Well since I am on the subjest with my mom, I guess I'll transfer it into here.
Car things:
1. I ran over a skaetboard and dragged it along under the tire. The guy who fell off as it shot into the street pressed no charges as the skateboard was unharmed and it wasn't my fault anyway.
2. I set off the panic alarm. Accidentally. But I turned it off quickly. It was embarassing though.
3. I ran over a hubcap and dragged it along under the tire. It was really loud and gave off a nasty burning rubber/aluminum smell but I was on my own street and no one was around so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. No visible damage to my car. I malled the hubcap quite badly though.
4. I gave RJ a ride home today. (<---HORRIBLE CRIME!!! SHAME! SHAME!) Why I don't know. RJ is the last person I would want to give a ride to, let alone break the law for. But it didn't seem like a big deal to me. I was adventurous. But never again. Until it is legal. The more often you commit a crime, the more likely you are to be caught. Actually you have equal chances of being caught each time...but whatever.
In other news, proving that I am not a complete idiot, I got a 105 on my math test today. Out of 100. And the test before this I got a 100 on. So I am doing well. I have a 102% in the class. I'm proud. Even if this is my second time taking it.
And thus concludes my day. Great fun. Ben's haircut is nice. Did I just say that??? No. No. No. But it is nice. "Clean-cut." Okey. Bye.

  posted by Colleen @ 3:34 PM

 
Hullo there everyone.

  posted by Colleen @ 2:36 PM